Sunday, May 1, 2011

Some Days

Most days, I am encouraged by the progress that Cupcake has made. I look back on those early days, and I'm so thankful that she is no longer held captive by insecurity and pervasive shame.  I marvel at how much healing has taken place.  Most days, I'm confident that she is well on her way to becoming a healthy, well-balanced adult.

Most days.

But not today. 

Today we found ourselves back at the beginning.  Struggling against all the evil that ever affected her.  Looking into orphan eyes that are wild and lost.  Anger, rage, insecurity, disobedience, self-loathing, fear, sadness, flashbacks, and regression.


Add to that, my reactions.  Selfishness, anger, weariness, fear, frustration, bossiness, inflexibility, sharp words, eye-daggers.  Yeah, it was not pretty. 

Some days are like that.  :-(

Just when I'm ready to have a pity party, I remember that these difficult times are times of healing. 

When I got home from Youth Group tonight, I was determined to bring her in close and gentle.  I fed her some sweet stuff.  We looked in the mirror and discussed each of her precious features.  I held her in my arms and looked deep into her eyes.  We snuggled close and enjoyed each others' company.  I carried her to bed and thanked the Father for my baby.  She was asleep in under 5 minutes. 

The end of the day made up for the first 13 hours. 

Tomorrow is a new day.  Thank you, Jesus, for tomorrows.

Blessings to you,


Laurie said...

Oh Mamita! I'm so glad Jesus gave you the strength again. He has given Cupcake a good mommy. You were just like Jesus to Cupcake! When we are at our worst, full of malice and fear and wildness of heart, He pulls us in close and sings over us the sweet song of His love! Thank you! You're a good example to all!

Kim said...

You are right...she is healing and growing and these times will probably come off and on...I know they do for me. I've got some BIG forgiveness news to post as soon as I can get around to it. :) SO glad God gave you Cupcake and SO glad God gave Cupcake...YOU!!! You're an AWESOME mom J and an AWESOME example of Jesus!!!