Saturday, August 1, 2009


When you adopt an older child, they tell you it'll be "two steps forward, one step back".

And a lot of times, it is. Sometimes, progress is slow and hard to come by.

Once in a while, you have a giant leap forward, and that is incredibly wonderful and exhilarating to watch. God's hand moves, and it is breathtaking.

At times, older child adoption is "one step forward, two steps back". That is disheartening. The progress you made last week and last month is lost and discouragement sets in.

And then there are the times when you take a step backward and find yourself free falling off a cliff.

That's where we are now.

I don't know what Cupcake is working through or worried about, but it is affecting every moment of every day. It's almost like back at the beginning. I'm tired. I'm weary. I want the other girl back. The one that smiles and obeys. The bubbly explorer who is confident and affectionate. The one who asks permission before helping herself. The one who uses her hands to hug instead of to hit.

It probably doesn't help that I've been living with a toothache/extraction for the past 8 days. My smiles have been rare and my temper short.

We'll live through this, but if you think to pray for us, we'd appreciate it. We're heading into "birthday month" and school is just around the corner. There's a million things to do and I'm having a hard time finding enough time for everything, including focusing on my baby.



DFNY said...

Will be thinking of you and praying for you and Cupcake. I'm having some difficult adjustments myself--around here it's one minute everything's going well, then the next minute our daughter gets bent out of shape b/c of something that seems minor, then I get bent out of shape dealing with it. This is hard stuff. Hope things are better for you tomorrow and this coming week.


ManyBlessings said...

Praying hon. If you need to talk, give me a call or write. (((HUGS)))

aamayna said...

I have been following your blog for some time as I really appreciate your perspective on attachment. We have had a few of these set backs ourselves (though our daughter was younger when she came home, she did have many struggles). I found our set backs to be around milestone anniv. The weekend that was our first visit anniv was a huge setback last year and it took me awhile to figure out why. Her set back was as if she were re-living being taken from the orphanage to our hotel all over again.
This too shall pass.

Kim said...

will be praying for you all...Love

Laurie said...

Oh, I'm so sorry to hear of your struggles..........It's so hard. Even though our sweetie came home at 18mo. she has been grieving so bad. Since the week of June 7th we have been suffering, almost as hard as when we brought her home, almost 2 yrs ago. We were so hopeful that we had gone through the worst of it..then WHAMM. We have spent hours sitting on the floor lately....just raging, etc. and praying. I will be remembering you all, too, in my prayers. Thank you for sharing, there are many of us out here going through similar trials.
Oh, yes, this too shall pass......Praise God!!!!