I've been reading this amazing book called Parenting Your Internationally Adopted Child by Patty Cogen. I've read a lot adoption books in the last 6 years. This one is chock full of great insight and practical tools. So much so, that I am taking notes as I go, so I can remember and apply this stuff.
Therapeutic parenting is the best way to parent. Period. It is the narrow gate that allows kids from hard places to recover and heal in a family setting. But it is an awesome way to parent your regular, typical kids, because it focuses on relationship and deeply understanding your child. That's good for all kids.
Here on the blog, I will be reviewing my notes and thinking out loud. You're invited to follow along on my journey. I will only be covering some of the things that really strike me in the book. You should get the book and read it yourself. Really.
Patty Cogen begins by defining proactive parenting. Simply put, it means that the parent should primarily be the initiator in the relationship, rather than the responder.
Ouch.
As it relates to Cupcake, I get high marks.
However...
With the big kids...
When they were younger, I initiated the relationship. But as the kids got more independent, as Cupcake's needs overshadowed all other needs, and as I battled physical and emotional exhaustion, I stopped (or slowed down) making the effort to just love on my big kids. I don't like that.
It's time for a change.
What do you do to proactively parent your teenagers?
Blessings to you,
Mamita
Kreyol Verse – Sòm ch23 v1 (Psalm 23:1)
2 days ago
4 comments:
I agree, great book. Sadly, many ap's don't realize how important adoption and attachment parenting is, thinking everything is fine. Until the child hits the teens when attachment issues can surface. What you do right away and all along the journey is key. It's about the child. What do you have to lose following attachment parenting?
I will follow you on this topic, I am trying my best to be proactive parent. My children are growing up and are having their own circle of friends. Now i am working extra hard to keep connected with them. We watch movies,go shopping, grocery, go to church and even just picking mango became a family activity. I make sure that all 4 of them are with me ( father abroad working).I still hug them in the morning when they wake up.Encourage them to talk to me when they have problem ( very difficult for them to open up). The greatest challenge is liking and loving the things they enjoyed doing....Whatever, i am a mom and my life will be empty without my children...
I will follow you on this topic, I am trying my best to be proactive parent. My children are growing up and are having their own circle of friends. Now i am working extra hard to keep connected with them. We watch movies,go shopping, grocery, go to church and even just picking mango became a family activity. I make sure that all 4 of them are with me ( father abroad working).I still hug them in the morning when they wake up.Encourage them to talk to me when they have problem ( very difficult for them to open up). The greatest challenge is liking and loving the things they enjoyed doing....Whatever, i am a mom and my life will be empty without my children...
I haven't read this, so I really look forward to the insights you share in the coming weeks.
God's peace,
Shyla
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