I received a comment on my last post that got me thinking. Nora was concerned that I was saying that rage from both sides was acceptable. (This is in reference to the Raising a Traumatized Child blog, where the mom (“Other Mother”) had moments of intense rage against her raging son. “Other Mother” would, at times, cuss, or think or say hurtful or unkind words in the heat of battle. Nora has a valid point, yet I think it's important to understand what's really going on in these highly volatile relationships.
So...
I can really relate to "Other Mother".
But...
I want to be perfectly clear here. I am not condoning rage as a valid response to an out-of-control child. Raging against a child is not okay. It is not right to verbally or physically assault a person. Taking out your anger on someone else (especially little people) is wrong. That’s why the Bible tells us to get rid of all rage. So, I’m not saying that raging at your kids is okay.
I am saying that it is a very real truth that an angry, defiant, raging, violent, destructive child will often bring forth rage in their parents. Not that the child causes the rage. The child merely exposes the rage that was already there.
Let me say that again.
The child merely exposes the rage that was already there.
And sometimes, we therapeutic moms feel it come bubbling up from the depths of our hearts.
Ugh.
And it's not right, but it does happen.
So where does this rage come from and how do we get rid of it? Any suggestions?
Blessings to you,
Mamita
1 comment:
Maybe the supression of anxiety and anger are a part of the rage, but you are right, keeping it under wraps is key. The acknolwedgement that it exists is helpful in relieving some isolation. (I didn't mean that you or I were raging against our children, just acknowledging that there is a madness the bubbles up from time to time that is so hard to deal with along with my child's own rage.)
Enjoy your long weekend and the 4th.
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